Laying Down Your Will to Make Room for God’s

On July 21, 2020, was the virtual National Worship Leader Conference. Like most things that happened during 2020 this wasn’t the original plan, but at WL, we still felt a need to come together and encourage one another even if in a virtual space. 

The day was going surprisingly well and the pieces connecting relatively smoothly considering we’d never held an online conference with hundreds of people before (we were used to doing live conferences.) We were only a few hours into the virtual conference when I received a phone call I never, never could’ve prepared for. 

“Your dad… has maybe 24 hours to live.”

 

I Couldn’t Save Him

 

We had started 2020 with my dad’s health taking a quick turn for the worse. While the world was shutting down due to Covid, I was working tirelessly to find the right treatment for my dad. I took control. I was relentless. Made the phone calls. Argued with doctors. You name it. I knew I was the one who must push through, although my family had the same deep hopes for answers. I was desperate to find what my dad needed — just like he would’ve done for me. And did in so many ways so many times. 

I was desperate to find what my dad needed — just like he would’ve done for me.

With each conversation I was hopeful that this would be the person that would value my dad in the same way I had for my entire life. That finally I’d find a person that would work tirelessly to help find the right treatment. 

But with each call, each conversation, it felt as though they gave up before starting. Still, I continued to try to save my dad. I took on a role that only God could fulfill. I was out of my depth.

I took on a role that only God could fulfill. I was out of my depth.

In early July, we’d finally found what we thought was the right treatment for my dad, with the expectation that on July 21, 2020, my dad would come back home — the same day as our virtual conference…. But, that didn’t happen. 

 

Our Plan vs God’s Plan

 

Anger. Disbelief. Confusion. Emotions flooded in that immediately overcame me as I heard the faraway voice that delivered the cold, startling facts. I was losing my dad and unable to save him. I had failed.

“Lex, we can do this together!” 

Words my dad used to say to me as we’d dream together about what was possible to do together at Worship Leader. We would spin dreams and visions of what could be. He brought his wisdom and experience while I brought this fresh calling God had deposited in my heart to make the training at WL more affordable and accessible to all who needed and wanted it. 

We were connected to each other and wired for worship.

“Together.” That was our plan. We were connected to each other and wired for worship. I loved and admired him so much.

 

Making Room for God’s Plan

 

My little sister and I got in the car to drive to the hospital to see our dad. To say goodbye. Just the thought of this was something that had never crossed our minds. Saying goodbye to our dad at 69 years old. Just days before his 70th birthday. 

The drive was quiet. We had no words. My little sister put on a song that to this day brings me to tears as I sing it. Taken back to the time in the car. A time where I released all control and learned the very hard lesson that no matter what I did, I couldn’t save my dad. The long process of accepting God’s plan for my dad’s life… and knowing that God’s plan was greater, began with worship. 

Here is where I lay it down

Every burden, every crown

This is my surrender

This is my surrender

Here is where I lay it down

Every lie and every doubt

This is my surrender

And I will make room for You

To do whatever You want to

To do whatever You want to

I will make room for You

To do whatever You want to

To do whatever You want to

 

“Make Room” By Community Music, Elyssa Smith, The Church Will Sing

My dad went to Heaven on July 27, 2020. 

 

Releasing Control to God

 

A daily lesson I’m continuing to learn is to stay humble. I still want to fight for the lives of those I love, and for what I perceive as justice, but I know God’s plans and mine aren’t always the same. So, I surrender all control over every aspect of my life daily. I’m committed to making room for Him to do whatever He wants to do… Thank goodness His mercies are new every morning, because it’s easier said than done.

As you lead worship and navigate life, you never know if your most deeply held desires and plans and the people they are attached to may end in a hospital room that day. Or if the ones you are leading just lost their mother, father, husband, child, or loved one due to death or separation. We don’t know whose hopes have been demolished, dreams or jobs or futures ended. So, in helping them make room for God, and surrender their sorrows, you make room for new life, new creation, new hope. The way “Make Room” did for me that day.